Parents and Partners Part I
So many of us go through life unaware of the true foundation of the relationships we involve ourselves in. The friends we choose, those extended family members we find ourselves closest to, and even the co-workers whom you enjoy more than others are all a result of natural gravitation’s towards those particular people. For some it’s a conscious decision while for others it’s unconscious. Regardless of how you choose those people closest to you, they will either share a characteristic of your parents, or fill a void which was left by them.
The reason we feel comfortable with particular people has more to do with human nature than anything else. According to WebMD.Com, personalities are formed in what is referred to as the “Developmental” stage of your life (Age three to five). This explains why those people who took part in our development and makeup; resemble those people we associate ourselves with today, almost as though we still yearn to be that five year old child.
History supports this cause as those who were abused at some point in their upbringing typically end up in an abusive relationship because the pattern almost feels natural, which is why it is repeated. Neglected or abandoned children, typically grow to be adults who have intimacy issues, severe insecurities, or problems letting people get too close to them. This usually stems from a fear of repeating the cycle and being abandoned again.
The truth is, continuing the toxic relationships in your life, or having trust issues can lead to mental and physical stresses which affect your day to day life. Second guessing people’s motives and having a pessimistic approach to new people can affect not only who your friends are but who you end up spending the rest of your life with.
What most people who habitually involve themselves in deprecating relationships fail to realize is that it’s not your fault!! In fact, the sooner you come to grips with the flaws of your parent(s), the sooner you can begin to shift your life in a positive direction. The sooner you realize their flaws the sooner you can surround yourself with people who fill that void for you, people who complete you
With an emphasis on therapy and studying human behavior over the past few years there is a greater understanding of how the brain works and the incredible power it has to heal itself and learn.
The healing needs to start from within. Learn to accept and love yourself and understand that your parent(s) flaws were their own issues and not something that was your fault. Learn to love and embrace people that prove their worthiness in your life through their actions. Learn to understand and take strides in bettering yourself by surrounding yourself with better people.